Some things I wrote down in two notebooks:
At Hazelwood Castle, for a Mother's Day lunch. I go to the ladies. There is a boy in there, aged about 7. He finishes washing his hands at the sink, then says cheerily, “I'm on my own!”
Me: “Aren't you in the wrong toilets?”
Him: “Oh, I don't care about labels.”
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On a plane somewhere. The captain comes over the PA. He speaks perfect not native English. He says, “Expect wet surroundings when you wake up.”
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A sign in the window of an employment agency in Barking:
Envelope stuffer wanted. Must have heavy boots.
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38.8% of adults in Swaziland are HIV positive.
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A sign in a shopping mall in Florida:
94% of Americans will shop in a mall this year. The numbers are on our side.
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Charity of the Week at Stansted Airport: The Burned Children's Charity.
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Columbia Road Flower Market, 9/11
Buying lilies next to two women. The trader says, “Cheap enough for your mother-in-law's grave!” The younger woman hugs the older one and says, “But I love my mother-in-law!”
Later, someone asks the same man, “Are you lying to me?”
He says, “I'm a market trader - would I lie?”
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A sticker in Sherborne: Have you hugged your horse today?
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From a piece by Alan Bennett in the London Review of Books: “One child ends an account of her grandparents: 'They have been married for 48 years and they get on like a roof on fire.'”
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Two signs in a laundromat on West 15th Street, New York:
1. Dollmaking. Angeles Watson. Experienced sewer and crafter.
2. KBR certificate of appreciation to Linkers International for your outstanding performance and significant contributions to the multinational logistics operation during the parallel flow of critical supplies during OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM. [...] Due to your exceptional skill and initiative, you and your Multinational Coalition Team have routinely excelled in the areas of inventory validity through regular cyclic counts, customer order fulfillment and property accountability to include maintaining records of the highly visible multinational stockpile.
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